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The Turnip
March 24, 2003

Denny’s Introduces new menu items to all diners

CLEVELAND- In light of the years of accusations surrounding Donny’s Restaurants hiring and serving practices, company president Bert Grisholm has decided it is time to revamp the entire menu. Succulent breakfast dishes like the now famous “Moons Over Me Hammys” which consists of two eggs sunny side up atop two generous portions of ham with hashed brown potatoes, an additional meat choice and juice and coffee will remain as will the tried and true “Donny Burger”, but that will be the only similarity to the new and improved offerings being proposed by Grisholm this week. New dinners filled with oversized portions of meat and potatoes and “as much gravy as a person could possibly swallow” will be the focus of the new menu. Seafood and vegetarian meals and fourteen different forms of chicken will be included in the new “Entrees & Specialty Combination Dinners” section which will follow the luncheon choices on page two. And OH what a luncheon menu! Grisholm is touting his newest creation, the “Triple Meat Gargonzo Four Cheese Gulper Hoagie Sandwich”, which will pile Ham, Turkey, Beef, Lamb and Octopus atop Romano, Swiss, Provolone and Cheddar Cheese with honey mustard sauces on a special slow toasted sesame seed Curvalco roll. And lest we forget, all sandwiches will contain lettuce, tomato, onion, pepper, pickle slices, and asparagus spears and come with a side of homemade potato chips. And that’s just the beginning, says Grisholm. He is putting together a “Gagger Tibetan Mushroom and Brie Vegetarian Super Melt” to keep his vegan customers coming back for more. Over the past twenty five years, Donny’s Restaurants have endured the accusations of racism and ethnicism after a group of African American gang members armed with clubs and knives stormed a Los Angeles establishment and were refused service. Law suits filed following that incident led to an investigation which exposed a supposed hiring practice which excluded Lithuanians and Portuguese men. The chain was named Samba’s Restaurant at the time and even that came under scrutiny. The chain decided rather than trying to fight the charges, they would begin to hire Portuguese men and Lithuanians, allow African American customers to purchase food and finally, change it’s name from the controversial Samba’s to the more inoffensive Donny’s Restaurant. Also under attack were some of the menu choices once associated with the Samba’s chain, like “Cotton Pickin’ Hoe Burger” and the popular “Fatback Pig Slabbin’ Rib Suckin’ Country Chicken Dinner”, which came with a choice of mashed or French fried potatoes and the vegetable medley. Those ultimately had to be replaced with more traditionally named items like “Cheeseburger” and “Grilled Chicken” and “Club Sandwich”. With the new menu comes new innovative names reminiscent of the simpler days when Samba’s wasn’t entirely meant to offend African Americans but provided an entertaining read when trying to decide on a meal. “We in no way will deliberately offend any section of our American society when we name our new meals.” said Grisholm. “We’re just going for the charm while describing some of the finest foods available in this country today!” he added. Donny’s is boasting of 12 all new appetizers (which they affectionately call “Appe- teasers”), new creative soups, like Creamed Lamb Tongue, and Split Pea & Hash as well as exotic salads from around the world. Hint: Check out the “Libyan Sand Dollar Salad”- it’s to die for! Make sure you spring for the extra coral croutons with that one! And the desserts will be out of this world. Chocolate Cherry Cream Cheese Gizzard Pie with Oreo Cookie Cream frosting and Peanut M&M’s. Ukrainian Custard Pus Vanilla Dust Cake. Goat Ice Cream. Ground Beef and Ice Cream Frappe in Root Beer and Ginger Ale. The genius behind the new menu seems limitless and this reporter sees a long and profitable future for the “New” Donny’s Restaurant Chain, sans ethnic and racial discrimination. By Joe we think they’ve got it!

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