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The Turnip
February 25, 2003

Saddam Hussein to speak at commencement ceremonies for Harlem School of Cosmetology and Makeup

NEW YORK- Iraq president Saddam Hussein has been scheduled to give the commencement speech at the ninety seventh annual graduation ceremonies of the Harlem School of Cosmetology and Makeup next month in New York City. Reverend Al Sharpton, who arranged for the president to speak is very excited about his decision to accept the offer and will be supervising the visit replica watches uk himself. "We be very honored to have such an esteemed leader wanting to be speaking at our school which is primarily African American, and I be happy to provide President Hussein living quarters in my home for the duration he be staying here with me," he said. The school which occupies the old Delaware & Hudson train depot on west 124th street has been in operation there for 16 years, having graduated twelve women and seven boys in its brief ninety six year history. Last year former US President Bill Clinton spoke to the one graduating senior Rufus Mohammed on the importance of character and morals in the real world as it will relate to cosmetology and makeup. Other previous guest speakers have included such names as Colonel Mommar Khadafi and Shaquille O'Neal as w ell as a brief talk from Osama Bin Laden in 1982 when the largest class in the school's history was scheduled to graduate. Sharpton has promised a translator for this year's event following the confusion last year when Clinton insisted on using big words and flirting with the faculty throughout his speech. Many of the students and their families were unable to understand the speech and rioted for hours afterwards. "We can't be having that sort of behavior with the whole world watching and everything like that," Sharpton commented. He was referring to the news coverage expected to arrive due to the controversial issues faced by the ne wly announced presidential candidate. Sharpton plans to run against George W. Bush in the 2004 elections and has already gained a lead in the polls in Harlem and the Bronx. Hussein is scheduled to arrive by fighter jet on Tuesday where he will be driven to Long Island by Sharpton to tour several nuclear facilities. A team of Iraqi body guards will accompany the president and Sharpton to all the points of interest on the tour. Hussein has requested a tour of the White House in Washington, but it is doubtful there will be enough time to get him down there by car . Hussein refuses to travel by air or any means of public transportation. Several bombings have been scheduled by Arab terrorists in anticipation of the President's visit and Sharpton will not allow him to take the risks. Sharpton has shared that Hussein will be speaking on the subject of volumizing with shampoo and conditioners and expects he will comment on the recent tragedies in Uganda as well. All indoor seats have been sold out and only standing room is available at this time. Check with officials prior to the start of the show for possible returns.

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