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The Turnip
 
January 24, 2003

Brainwaves linked to Myocarnidial Reflex Syndrome

ANNOPOLIS- Doctors and researchers at Walter Reid Medical Research Center in Washington have discovered a direct link to the formation of various strands of Myocarnidial Reflex Syndrome (MRS) in goats. The research shows brainwaves, when stimulated with certain types of conical electromagnetic gamma radiation will speed the production of estrobemin in the goats leading to the production of microcarbons and distigens which has been proven to directly influence the formation of MRS in horned animals. Professor Daniel Koenig, lead researcher and author of the article “Living with the MRS” published in JAMA last month showed a team of scientists cultures grown in the lab to prove the globins were indeed present as the disease formed within the bulsacs of the female goats. In his article, Dr Koenig explained how erstino acids in conjunction with fetamine and ground pectal morpheses join to induce digestive radial reactions within the gortex muscles leading to complete breakdown of hemotorral scisms and ultimate MRS. In his control experiments where he substituted fungal remuses and performed the frontal portions of the program on Hiberian goats rather than the South American Bugati, Dr Koenig found there to be substantial connections to renal gland suppression of fatty tissue reproduction. The final result was minor swelling of the pincter muscles and a direct hypernation of the gortex fibrulation pockets. Varying degrees of MRS were evident after full testing had been completed, but when the brainwave divulsions were introduced into the subjects, MRS was driven to the 94 level (off the charts according to Koenig) and both series of tests reported full incapacitation due to full blown MRS within an hour. These stunning discoveries were immediately sent to the World Health Organization (WHO) where subsequent testing of the military and high level government employees will begin at once. The relationships of resulting goat testing as a means to determine human consequences of brainwave conical electromagnetic infiltration by means yet undetermined are cause for serious concern. Doctors at the WHO are scrambling to equip medical infirmaries with the necessary electrogammatron detection facilities so that the process of administering antipremortal immunizations and cardographic illuminative sporages can be handled at all levels of service including those already deployed to the Persian Gulf. Several manufacturing and distribution facilities have begun the process of filtering magnetic phosphates and hydrocarbonic diabliques to enable the rapid reproduction of the antiagent. It is expected to be completed within the week and ready for dispersion as soon as it is dry fired at the facility. Further information will become available once the formulation of the particles is complete. DISCLAIMER: THIS ARTICLE IS A FAKE. DO NOT BELIEVE A WORD! DON'T SUE ME!

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