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The Turnip
 
December 30, 2002

Internal CollapseTriggers Investment Scandal

NEW YORK- The weekend collapse of several internal markets have had a sweeping effect on many of the popular investment companies a source on Wall Street states in a taped interview. The companies, which have yet to be named, have also been implicated in a number of investment scams reported earlier this year by the Wall Street Journal. The effects of the collapse were expected to reach the outer boundaries of the financial world by the end of the week and it is believed this may trigger yet another market crash by Monday. The heads of the companies involved have met with government associates to hash out an agreement in the event the expected resulting fallout does in fact fall upon the lesser involved factions. No comments were received by press time, but it is expected the parties will agree on a tentative contract by the weekend. In the event a negotiated agreement cannot be reached, a more stable contract is expected to be drafted by the NASTB to insure the financial assets of the affected companies and their foreign counterparts. Nobody could be reached for comment this afternoon. In addition to the problems faced by those involved in the trade of the effective internal investment capitals, many of the open market judicial branches of the companies are facing strict declines of services to the public. This can and will lead to internal collapse, as it did six years ago when many of the same organizations failed to provide adequate internal structure to the already failing submarket integers. If we remember, the markets at that time were saturated with foreign extemplary resources, which made it impossible for recovery. The resulting collapse will be similar. It is not expected to survive. Many brokers have said they will proceed with their plans to purchase the stocks of the plagued companies in an effort to save them from investment scandal, but the probability is that there will be no return on that investment or any others like it. It simply cannot function under those conditions without the aid of tetramoral brokering among the worlds many markets. A Wall Street source has stated also that he believes that if this is to continue without the aid of support from the east, the entire budgeted plan for exemption will be negated and the entire subsystem will implode. A State Department aide agreed and added it would be more likely to fail if the undercurrents remain where they are today. A press conference is scheduled to address these and other issues later today in the Pentagon press council room at the Capitol building in New York. It is hoped that this meeting will answer any and all questions of impropriety.

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